Fall in Love with Yourself

The best thing I ever did in my life was fall in love myself. It is the best thing I have done so far, but will absolutely be the best thing I carry with me for the rest of my life as well.

I did this early on. I am super lucky. I don't even think I meant to, but my self love just kind of happened, and it has grown deeper and deeper with each day ever since.

It started sophomore year of high school for me. I went to a high school that I absolutely hated, and I spent my entire first year there trying to find my people, realizing those people weren't in fact my people, then just feeling bad for myself and looking forward to the next three years- as I instilled in my mind that I would be transferring, and after that it would get so much better. A freshman year concluded, I unfortunately realized that the school I so badly wanted to transfer to was not going to workout for me, and I had spent my entire first year at that school, where I now would be spending the next three as well, moping around, isolating myself and letting myself feel sad. So, as sophomore year came around, I kept to myself, got my work done, got in, got out, and I shut the world around me (the negative circumstances) out. It is amazing how differently you can see things when you change your mindset. Not that I had the best mindset, in fact, it will still pretty negative- I did not make the most of my situation, like I wish I had looking back. But, nonetheless, this changed me. That time, from sophomore all of the way to senior year (although, admittedly, I did like it a bit more my senior year) I truly spent the most time with myself. I was not my only friend, but I was my own best friend. I stayed in most nights, became super organized and driven, learned what my goals in life were, learned the type of person I am, I want to be, and the type of people I want to be surrounded by in life. I started reading- mostly self help genre books, started journaling, did lots of art, listened to lots of music, started doing yoga and diving deeper. In this time I became more appreciative of life; of how special and sacred time is, how important genuine connection is, but mostly, I became so insanely appreciative of nature. I spent more time at the beach than ever, watched as many sunrises and sunsets as possible, began to walk and ride my bike everywhere I could instead of drive, go to as many outdoor events as possible- markets, concerts, you name it. Honestly, I realized that I was bomb AS HECK! I truly loved my me time, not because I was alone, necessarily, but because when I was with myself and just myself, I was doing the things that made me feel best. In doing all of this, I realized I had become kinder, more loving, more accepting, just simply, so much happier. I had discovered what the things in life that matter most to me were, the things that made me feel alive. I had found myself. I fell in love with being with myself. I fell in love with myself.

And after this realization, or revelation, if you will, everything else clicked for me. Opportunities and people and experiences started falling right into my lap. I took a service trip to Tanzania, Africa, in the midst of my junior year. On that trip, there were about 30 other kids of my age, from all around the world. Over the span of those 2 weeks, I became very liked among my peers and staff; they all gave me such commendation for my kindness, and praised my character. That feeling was reciprocated, too, on my end. I remember laying in my bed, eyes wide open staring at the ceiling one of the first nights, and just feeling such overwhelming shock and delight. This was the first time in my life I had ever met one person, let alone 10, 20+ who were JUST LIKE ME! We all had our differences of course- came from different states and countries, had different family dynamics, different favorite colors, different career paths, many things. But, what we all did share was a general hope, a general love and appreciation of life; a general character. These people, without even knowing it, opened my eyes to the kind of humans that exist outside of my little New Jersey bubble, the kinds of humans who are JUST LIKE ME- who enjoy adventure and the outdoors and helping others and being kind and making genuine connection and making others feel welcome and loved and making change for the better in the world; not partying and gossiping and all of the little petty things in life that do not matter to me. I now knew that people like me really were out there, and that they were who I not only wanted, but deserved and would surround myself with for the rest of my life. I felt hopeful and excited and ready, more than ever, to go take on the world, knowing now that these people really do exist!

I returned home from that trip with a whole new mindset. Every action I took now, was for myself. I started a yoga class, called Twisty for Tanzania and raised so much money for the village I had visited. I worked at the coolest little boutique where I listened to Ziggy Alberts and pranced around with flowy clothes and no shoes all day long just talking to customers. I journaled everyday, I did more art, more yoga, spent every breathing second possible on the beach, more Hollie stuff than ever. I was the most in tune with myself I had ever been.

Fast forward to college. I moved to San Diego (finally) and my happiness level went through the roof. I was finally on a never ending vacation in my favorite place in the world. I kind of, though, was mixing myself between two little worlds here. On one side, I was still absolutely myself; exploring, going to the beach as much as possible, being outside all day long, keeping my kindness very much so alive and present, and on the other side, I was eager to get the "college experience", so I joined a sorority that wasn't really me and went to parties that I did not nearly love like all of the other girls did. Not that I didn't feel welcome, I just simply did not feel like I was being true to myself being in this sorority, doing things that were so not me. I stuck it out though, and was just picky with my time, splitting it pretty 80 20 between my me time and sorority, "college experience" time.

Now, present year (2nd year of college) I am not in that sorority anymore, and I am focused on having 100% me time, all of the time. I am focused on only doing things and putting my time into what I absolutely love, involving myself with nothing I do not love, and getting my very own college experience. I think the most loving realization I ever discovered and made for myself was when I realized that my college experience does not have to be the typical one portrayed in movies and society - crazy, wild, partying, guys; my college experience can be exactly what I want my college experience to be. And it will be just that.

My journey of self love is exactly what I need it to be. My journey is so special and unique to me. My journey is incredible and extraordinary and cheery and carefree. My journey is my journey. Each day I wakeup, I am excited to see where this journey of mine will lead me next!

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Self love is a never ending process. There is not a point you aim for, reach, then stop working on yourself. It comes with each day. It comes with the good and the bad. It is the ultimate growth.

Self love is radiant. Not only did I notice change within, but everyone else around me noticed, too. When you love your life and your world, when you just love yourself so much, you shine, and nothing can take away from that. Nothing can dull your light.