10/3/19

They always say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Spur of the moment and super last minute, a friend and I decided to buy tickets to a concert on a Thursday night an hour and 45 minutes away from us. Funny enough, I had been searching and searching for someone to go with for weeks prior, but eventually gave up. Low and behold, just after I had given up, this friend texted me and asked if I wanted to go, and I immediately said yes and bought my ticket. Unfortunately, the plan fell apart and she was not able to go anymore - finding out one day prior. And from here, I had some options.

This is where I made the decision, with myself and only myself, for myself and only myself, to quite literally - make lemonade. This is where, and I say this as humbly as I can come across, I feel as though my mindset differentiates me from so many. In situations and circumstances like these, this is where I know that my love of and outlook on life is special and is unique. Lots of people think I am crazy for the things that I do - this being a perfect example. Lots of people don’t get it. But it makes me happy. It makes me feel alive. And that is all that matters in life. This is where, I know my confidence in who I am as an individual, as a human, really means something.

I decided that I was still going to go to the concert. There truly in my entirety has never been an artist I craved to see more, so this was my chance. I mean, why NOT go? Because I didn’t have somebody, a friend to go with? Because I didn’t have means of transportation? Well, I thought, those are 2 factors that are out of my control, but can easily be worked around. And more importantly, those are 2 small factors that should never stop anyone from doing something they want to do - but it so often does. And when you think about it in the scheme of things, what a waste of precious life that is.

I found a car to borrow for the day (shoutout to Hannah- you’re the bomb!!!!!!), picked out my outfit and was set. Then I figured, if I’m going all the way there anyway, why not make a day out of it and explore a town I had never been but have always wanted to see- Huntington

. (aka surf city, aka my heaven). I woke up at 6, showered, packed my bags, went to class, had my avocado toast then headed north around 11am. Nervous, for I had never driven alone on a California freeway before, let alone for 2 hours; but mostly stoked as ever, too, for the anticipation of the coolest, most exciting little road trip and day of exploration- both self exploration and place exploration, I was about to immerse myself in. As I was driving, windows down, even on the freeway - always, left hand out the left side window, I decided to go with my gut and follow a PCH sign, turning off my GPS. I went into and all around Dana Point, driving right along the bluest waters, the tallest palm trees, the greenest grass and most pristine beaches. I eventually made my way back to the freeway, and got to the PCH in Huntington. I went right to the pier, parked, got out and had myself a day.

I walked down to the end of the pier, caught some of the airshow practice, saw lots of surfers and children running around and giddy couples and happy families. I walked under the pier, chatting with two girls who I (no shame) asked to take some photos for me- because who cares!!!!!!!!! I facetimed my parents, I laid out, I napped, I journaled, I read, I took a walk, I ate an acai bowl, I watched tons of dope waves being caught by insanely talented surfers, I talked with some people on the beach, I sang to myself and bopped around on my towel a lot, I shamelessly took tons of selfies- also because who cares!!!!!!! And I didn’t go on Instagram once! I soaked up the sun all day long. I soaked up the day; this life. I stayed until sunset, which I watched from atop the pier- what a crazy beautiful view, the sun shining so golden on the light blue and white crashing waves, the way it hits the wetsuits and the long blonde hair of the surfers, the way people of all ages and genders gather to simply all watch the sun set. As the sun finished setting behind me, I walked off the pier and back to the car, and drove off under the bright orange sky and palm trees along the PCH. It could not have been a more breathtaking view. What a wonderful end to an amazing day in Huntington Beach, and what a beautiful way to start the second half of my adventure- ziggy! <3

I get to the concert venue, do my makeup, brush my hair and change every article of my clothing in the car, then head on in. Slightly intimated, but not really, I see the person behind me in line is also solo, so I casually turn and ask if he is seeing the same concert as I- he was! We got to talking and he was from San Diego- small world, and was just such a kind cool person. We sort of stuck by each other for a bit and that was a really awesome connection to make. Then I befriended quite literally a firecracker who when the music started, pushed me as front as possible and grabbed my hands and danced and sang loudly and without care. It was awesome. What a cool concept, singing with a complete stranger in a room full of strangers, but feeling like I had known him for so long. And what’s really funny, is neither of those people I will be keeping in touch with. I just know their first names, and will likely never see either of them again. We didn’t exchange numbers or social media’s, or even full names. What a beautiful thing- connection just simply because. With no follow-up or no ultimatum. Just simply real loving kind human connection at a concert.

Ziggy comes on. Without speaking a word, he begins playing my all time absolute favorite song of his- first! What a coincidence? What better validation that I was exactly right where I was supposed to be, and needed to be in the world at that very moment.

Through the whole concert, I felt so free. I danced how I wanted and sang how I wanted and truly, not once did the perception of myself to others even cross my mind. Not that I couldn’t be like that, and am not with friends- because I am, but it’s this kind of undeniable truth to yourself that you live when you are alone, it’s fully 10000% you and only you. I had no strings to anybody or anything in that place- it was truly just my connection to the music, and the cool people I got to meet, or even just watch around the room, they were just cherries on top. My heart was smiling from the inside.

After the concert, the first guy from the beginning of the night offered me a place to crash, so, with my I’ve already come this far, what do I have to loose? mindset, I followed him back to his pad and hung for a bit. I was tired, but I didn’t feel it. I just felt a rush, an excitement inside. I decided not to stay at the guys house, and to head home that night. I was eager to go. Not because I was ready to get back to my apartment, not because I was in a rush to get back, not because I was in a rush for anything. Simply because I was eager to get back on the road and drive- I knew what a semi lengthy drive I had back and was stoked for dark emptiness on the freeway and that time to just blast some of the music I just saw with my own two eyes and take everything about my entire day in. For me, driving is a very special thing. And at night, driving is even more special; it’s a different, truly unexplainable feeling of pure joy.

Then, to top off an oh so already perfect and wonderful night, as I am driving, I look up to see the dark sky absolutely FULL of the most clear, bright, striking stars TWINKLING. I rolled down my drivers side window will going 80mph and about every other second I stuck my head out of the window to look up at that beauty. I fully put together, without even searching for them, the Little Dipper, Orion’s Belt, and possibly the Big Dipper too. Magical.

And now I'm back. In San Diego, home, laying in my bed. It's 2am. If you know me, you know that is many hours past my bedtime. But I am not the slightest bit tired. I am so full of energy.I feel so so alive. I just feel like I want to keep writing and writing and writing about this night. I want to get out each and every feeling I felt and thing I saw or did. I never want to stop reliving this night.

Today was one of those things where I, believe it or not, pushed myself out of my comfort zone quite a bit. BUT, it worked out better than I could have ever imaged it to, and I feel really really glad that I had this experience alone. It would not have been as restorative, relaxing and good-for-the-soul kind of freeing that it was. I know I was meant to do exactly what I did today (last night). Thank you universe. Thank you thank you. Thank you Ziggy- if it weren’t for my love of your music, I wouldn’t have pushed myself to take this leap and get this experience. You don’t even know how much you changed my life tonight.